


You'll Be The Death Of Me

by givebackmylifecas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, First Kiss, Frottage, M/M, PTSD, Soldier Castiel, Soldier Dean, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 16:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givebackmylifecas/pseuds/givebackmylifecas
Summary: "When he meets the man’s startling blue eyes it’s like all the air has been punched out of him all over again.“No!”, Dean gasps, stumbling back until his shoulders hit the wall of the trench. The man follows, stepping towards him. “No!”, Dean yells over the roar of sound around them. “You’re not supposed to be here! Not you, never you!”The man has a sad expression on his face. “I know how hard you tried to leave me behind. I’m sorry to have intruded on your life even here.”, he says and his voice still sounds exactly the same – his accent a weird mix of American and English, his voice still deep and gravelly.Dean shakes his head, still stunned. “No Cas, I –“Castiel interrupts him. “It’s okay Dean. I understand.”, he says and with that he’s disappearing around another bend in the trench."Dean and Castiel were childhood friends and teenage sweethearts. After three years apart, they meet again at the front in France in 1917, in the middle of the First World War. This is their story, starting in 1909 and continuing across the decades.





	You'll Be The Death Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in World War 1 so expect descriptions of war, although there are no explicit descriptions of injuries or anything, Cas and Dean are mildly underage (17 and 16) when they get together, but there is absolutely nothing explicit in the fic. A content warning is there for period-typical homophobia and mild descriptions of PTSD.

_**France, 1917** _

 

A bullet hurtles over Dean’s head and he throws himself to the ground. There are deafening sounds of shells exploding everywhere and Dean clutches his helmet tightly to stop it from being knocked off. He scrambles to his feet and starts back up the ladder, ears ringing, only to have someone drag him down. The person throws themselves on top of him as several more bullets go whizzing over both of them.

The impact knocks all the air out his lungs and Dean wheezes. The man on top of him finally rolls off him and stretches out his hand. Having regained his breath, Dean grabs it, letting himself be helped to his feet. He can tell by the uniform the man’s an officer – captain by the looks of it – and Dean opens his mouth to thank him. But when he meets the man’s startling blue eyes it’s like all the air has been punched out of him all over again.

“No!”, Dean gasps, stumbling back until his shoulders hit the wall of the trench. The man follows, stepping towards him. “No!”, Dean yells over the roar of sound around them. “You’re not supposed to be here! Not you, never you!”

The man has a sad expression on his face. “I know how hard you tried to leave me behind. I’m sorry to have intruded on your life even here.”, he says and his voice still sounds exactly the same – his accent a weird mix of American and English, his voice still deep and gravelly.

Dean shakes his head, still stunned. “No Cas, I –“

Castiel interrupts him. “It’s okay Dean. I understand.”, he says and with that he’s disappearing around another bend in the trench.

 

When the retreat is finally called, hours later, Dean is soaked with mud and other people’s blood and he’s shaking. He follows the other men through the mud to collect supper – watery soup that might once have been hot – and then goes to clean his rifle. He’s just finished cleaning the last of the dirt off it when he hears someone yelling for him.

“Yank!”, Sergeant Williams shouts.

Deans scowls. “What’s wrong?”

“One of the Ruperts wants to see you, double time. Now git.”, he says in his broad accent and Dean slings his rifle over his shoulder and stomps past Williams towards the officer’s hut. Just as he turns the last corner, someone grabs his elbow and pulls him into a divot in the wall.

“Shhh!”, Castiel says, placing his hand over Dean’s mouth. When he seems certain that Dean won’t make any noise, he removes his hand. He blinks at Dean with those too-large blue eyes and for a moment Dean can almost believe he’s pressed in a similar corner, in a house that’s far too grand for him.

“What the hell, Cas?”, he hisses, looking around to see if anyone is close enough to hear, let alone see them. “You can’t just turn up here and – and just – you can’t!”

Castiel casts his eyes down at the mud, but one of his hands is still firmly grasping Dean’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”, he says quietly. “I just… Sam told me we were in the same regiment, when I told him I was drafted and I had to see you. I know I have no right, but it’s been so long…”

“Three years.”, Dean breathes and Cas nods. “But drafted? How? You’re American.”

Cas shrugs, a wry smile playing on his lips. “My mother isn’t, my father is. Despite how much time I spent in America, apparently I’m British enough to serve in their army – if not inherit any titles.”

Dean gasps, because the one thing he’d held onto – while getting cold, and wet, and being shot at – was that Cas would be safe. “No. No we were so sure.”

“Yes well.”, Cas says, with a hint of bitterness that Dean has rarely ever seen on him. “You can’t always get what you want.”

Dean feels an empty sort of guilt curl in his stomach. “I’m sorry.”

Cas shakes his head and with a quick look over his shoulder, moves his hand up to cup Dean’s face. “I know, I know why you did it.”

Dean nods, his stomach hollow and his heart aching. He never thought he’d see Cas again, and it kills him that Cas has been sent to this hell too. “I’m sorry you couldn’t get what you wanted. The estate and that…” He trails off at the empty, disappointed look in Cas eyes.

“You really think that’s what I wanted?”, Cas whispers, his breath misting in the cold, night air.

Dean hesitates. “I – I don’t know what you want anymore, Cas. You might have changed completely for all I know.”

Cas squints at him, the look so familiar it almost makes Dean laugh. Almost, because Cas also looks like Dean feels – a little heartbroken. “You’ve always been an idiot Dean Winchester, but surely even you can’t think that I would have changed that much – especially when it comes to you.”

Dean opens his mouth to say something, to protest, but then Cas’ mouth is covering his in a searing kiss. His lips are hot in comparison to the frigid air around them and Dean can’t help himself. It’s so very familiar that his arms automatically come up to wrap around Cas’ waist, one of his hands grabbing a fistful of the other man’s dark hair. Cas backs up until he’s pressed against the packed dirt, widening his stance to allow Dean to press his knee between Cas’ legs. Dean moans and it’s a desperate sound that’s just loud enough to bring them both crashing down to reality. Dean jumps away from Cas, who looks thoroughly dishevelled; his hair is sticking up in all directions and his tie’s askew.

“I’m sorry.”, Dean says, still breathing hard.

Cas shakes his head, his lips and cheeks bright red. “It’s okay. It was my fault.”, he says. “Always was my fault.”, he adds as an afterthought and Dean almost leans in to kiss him again.

Instead he grins. “Nah, I think we were both equally to blame.”

Cas laughs, his breath hanging in a white cloud between them. “Probably.” He fixes his tie and then attempts to smooth down his hair, failing miserably.

“Let me.”, Dean says, reaching up to pat it back into place.

Cas blushes like a schoolgirl. “Thank you.”, he says and Dean grins, nudging Cas’ cheek with his finger, making him blush harder.

“S’like being at home isn’t it.”, he says wistfully and Cas smiles.

“Almost.”, he says.

“Novak!”, a voice barks and Dean jumps away, putting a respectable distance between the two of them. A blonde man comes sauntering towards them and Cas rolls his eyes.

“Captain Balthazar.”, he says lazily as Dean salutes the other officer.

Balthazar grins. “Hullo Novak, who are you loitering with in a dark corner?”

“Lance Corporal Dean Winchester, sir.”, Dean says and Balthazar smiles.

“My, my. You’ve managed to find the only other Yank in the British army.”

Cas sighs. “Balthazar, Dean and I are childhood friends, his father worked on my parents’ estate. We were put in the same regiment by chance.”

Balthazar looks Dean up and down with a little too much intensity. “Well isn’t that lucky. Are you going to request him?”

“Request me for what?”, Dean asks, glad that Balthazar just grins at his impertinence as Cas sighs in annoyance.

“Balthazar is insisting that I get a batman of sorts. You know, to polish my boots, fetch my shaving water, drive me about, and what not. There aren’t any civilian volunteers – not any more – so I was told to pick from one of the lower ranks.”, Cas explains.

Balthazar laughs. “Yes, and up until now he’s been rather reluctant to do so. But perhaps that has changed?”

Dean looks over at Cas who has gone very red in the face. “Cas – uh I mean – Captain Novak? Do you want to request me? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve worked for you, after all.”

“Well Cassie, hasn’t this worked out perfectly? You’ll finally get your batman”, Balthazar asks, grinning. “And it will be splendid for you too Winchester, since you want have to sleep with the rest of the… squaddies I think you call them.”

Dean nods, “Yes, thank you, sir.”

“Ooh he’s ever so polite isn’t he. I should’ve gotten a yank instead of a taff.”, Balthazar says, lighting a cigarette.

“Alright, Balthazar, don’t you have somewhere to be?”, Cas asks testily.

Balthazar snorts. “Yes actually, I do. I’m on leave as of this evening and I have an appointment with two rather gorgeous French milkmaids. I’ll see you next week, Cassie.”, he says, sauntering off in the same direction he had come from.

“Friend of yours?”, Dean asks and Cas laughs.

“He’s not so bad, really. Just a bit stuck up.”

Dean grins. “Not something you’d know anything about then.”

Cas pokes a finger into his chest. “Watch your tongue, you work for me now apparently.” His grin falters a little. “If you want that is, I don’t want to force you into anything.”

Dean reaches out and squeezes Cas hand for a brief moment. “You wouldn’t be forcing me. Working for you can’t be any worse than just being a normal Lance Jack.”

Cas laughs. “Look at you with the army-lingo.”

“Well I stick out enough as an American, thought I might as well try and understand these guys and maybe they’ll not see me as so much of an outsider.”, Dean says quietly. It’s not like the others in his battalion hated him, it’s more that they thought he was odd – disliking his accent and the fact that his country was refusing to come to Britain’s aid.

Cas strokes Dean’s cheek. “I’m sorry Dean.”, he says so quietly, Dean almost thinks he didn’t say anything at all. But he knows that look in Cas’ face – it may have been years since he’s seen it last, but he remembers and he knows. It’s the look Cas would give him when Dean slipped out of his bedroom at dawn, when the family would head down to London leaving Dean alone at the estate with the other servants, when they spent the night in the boathouse and Dean woke up still wrapped in Cas’ arms. “I –“, Cas begins, but Dean can’t let him finish that sentence.

“Don’t – Cas, please don’t. I… just can’t. Not yet.”, he says and his throat feels like there’s a large lump in it. Cas looks sad, but he nods.

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s been a long time. You don’t feel the same and you don’t have to take the job just to humour me.”, he says quietly.

Dean exhales in a long breath. “You’re going to be the death of me.”, he whispers, before pulling Cas in for another kiss. It’s passionate, but very quick – it was enough of a risk to kiss earlier and he doesn’t want to imagine what would happen if they were caught.

They break apart and Cas studies Dean’s face, looking utterly confused. “It’s not been long enough for my feelings to be different you dip stick. But we need time, we can’t just go back to the way things were.”

Cas face brightens. “I hope you know I didn’t hear a thing past you telling me that your feelings haven’t changed.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “Of course you didn’t. I’m on sentry duty in ten minutes, but I’ll see you tomorrow morning, yeah?”

Cas nods. “Yes Lance Corporal, you will. Report to my quarters at 0600.”

Dean salutes him and heads off to take his turn keeping watch.

 

* * *

 

_**England, 1909** _

 

If he’s honest, Dean doesn’t really know when they became friends, they just always were. Dean’s father John worked for Cas’ father in America as groundskeeper and when the Novaks announced they were moving to England, John and his family followed. Dean was 13 at the time and grumpy at having to leave behind everything he knew in America, but at least he still had his family – and more importantly he still had Cas. They spent their time exploring Cas’ mother’s ancestral estate in Yorkshire, right until Dean turned sixteen and was told he would either have to work full time as a gardener in the estate, or leave to seek employment elsewhere.

“You’re not going to leave, are you?”, Cas asks, as they sit in the orchard splitting a basket of tiny pies that Cas had wheedled out of the cook.

Dean shrugs, swallowing a mouthful of pastry. “I dunno. Not much interest in gardening to be honest, dad says I could be a mechanic if I manage to find an apprentice position.” He reaches for another pie and Cas slaps his hand away. “Hey!”, he squawks. “What was that for.”

“Pies are for people who don’t leave their best friends.”, Cas says contrarily, grabbing the basket and getting to his feet. He glares at Dean as he dusts off his trousers.

Dean glares right back at him. “What crawled up your ass and died? I want to be more than a gardener Cas, why don’t you want me to be happy?”

Cas seems to deflate a little, his glare fading. “Of course I do. I have to go and get dressed for dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dean watches him go and trudges down to his father’s cottage.

“Hey, Dean!”, Sam says from his seat at the kitchen table. Dean nods at him, evading his mother’s questioning stare and taking his place next to Sam.

“What’s up with you?”, his father asks, stomping into the room.

“Nothing.”, Dean mumbles.

His mother frowns. “It must be something, dear, you wouldn’t be sitting there with a face like thunder for no reason.”

Dean sighs. “It’s the job thing. I don’t think gardening is for me, but I don’t want to have to leave here.”

“Is that all?”, John grunts and Dean glares at him. “Don’t look at me like that boy, I have news for you. Bobby the chauffeur is looking for someone to help him maintain the car. I told him you might be interested.”

Dean jumps out of his chair and wraps his arms around his very surprised father. “Really? Thank you so much, dad! I’m going to go tell Cas!”

His mother glares, pointing at him with her wooden spoon. “Absolutely not. The family will be getting ready for, and then having their dinner. As are we. You can tell him in the morning.”

Dean pouts, but knows better than to risk his mother’s wrath. He sulks all through dinner at the thought of having to wait to see Cas until morning and then mopes through the bath his mother forces him to have.

Later that night, he decides he can’t possibly wait any longer. He quietly pulls on his trousers and boots, leaving the undershirt he sleeps in on, just pulling a woollen jumper on over it.

Sam is fast asleep in the bed next to his and he can hear his dad snoring from his parents’ bedroom, so he decides going out the front door is safe enough. He makes his way through the grounds of the Novak estate, as silent as a shadow and sneaks into the big house through the servants entrance.

“Hey, Dean.”, one of the maids, Lisa, says as he walks into the kitchen.

He grins at her and throws her a wink. “Hey Lis, they all in bed already?”

She snorts. “Yep, don’t know why, it’s not like they’re tired from working all day.”

Dean frowns at her and her smile falters a little. “Right, well, I need to go give Cas something, don’t tell Mrs. Harvelle I was here, okay?”

She smirks. “Sure, Dean.”

He ignores the undertones in her voice and heads up the back staircase. It isn’t the first time he’s done this, but usually it’s him going to get Cas so they can sneak out together. This is the first time he’s turned up unannounced, so he really, really hopes Cas isn’t still angry at him.

As ever, he’s grateful that Cas’ parents sleep in the other wing of the house, but he’s still careful as he sneaks along the hallway to Cas’ room.

He doesn’t knock, knowing that it would only make noise, so he just lets himself into Cas’ room. Cas is lying in his huge canopy bed, reading by the light of a little oil lamp. The rest of the room is in half-darkness, illuminated by the fading embers in the fireplace.

“Dean?”, he asks, his mouth open in shock.

Dean grins at him. “Yeah, it’s me.”, he says, kicking off his boots and climbing onto the foot of Cas’ bed.

“What are you doing here?”, Cas asks. “I’m still angry with you, you know.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “That’s why I’m here you numpty. I’m not leaving, my dad got me a job with Bobby the chauffeur. I’ll get to work with cars and stay here with you!” Cas looks stunned and doesn’t say anything and something sinks in Dean’s stomach. “That is what you wanted, right? Or… are you upset that I’m staying.”

Cas finally regains some composure and pulls back the covers so he can crawl across the bed to sit opposite Dean. “You’re an idiot Dean Winchester, why would I ever want to get rid of you?”, Cas asks quietly.

Dean flushes at Cas’ close proximity and shrugs in embarrassment. “To be honest, I never really understood why you’d want to keep me.”

Cas’ face falls. “Really? You have no idea?”

His face is really close to Dean’s and somehow his eyes look bluer than usual. Dean’s known for a while that he looks at Cas a little too closely, maybe catalogues his features more than a normal person would, but for the first time he thinks Cas might be looking back. Slowly he shakes his head. “None.” Cas smiles shyly at him and Dean feels his breath hitch and his heart skip a beat simultaneously. “You’ll be the death of me Castiel Novak.”, he breathes and then he does something really, really stupid. He leans in and kisses Cas right on the mouth. It only lasts a couple of seconds and when Dean pulls away again Cas is staring at him, mouth slack.

“Shit!”, Dean says, the full consequences of what he’s done sinking in. He scrambles off the bed and stumbles backwards to the door. “I’m so sorry, Cas. Just please, don’t tell your dad. He’ll tell mine and… I don’t think he could deal with his son being queer. I’ll uh – I’ll pack my stuff tomorrow and head into the city to – wait, what are you doing?”

Dean stops rambling as Cas climbs off the bed and walks towards him. Cas gives him an odd smile and says: “This.”, before grabbing Dean’s face and kissing him back.

Dean thinks he must have fallen asleep, but if this is a dream he’s going to make the most of it before he wakes up. He moans, shoving his tongue into Cas’ mouth and walking him backwards until his legs hit the bed and Cas collapses back onto it. Dean climbs up onto the bed too, straddling Cas without breaking the kiss. He pulls himself away long enough strip himself and Cas of their shirts and then dives right back in. Cas arms wrap around his waist, pulling Dean down onto him and grinding their hips together in a frantic rhythm.

 

“Jesus.”, Dean gasps into Cas’ neck, when they finally come up for air.

Cas huffs a laugh, running a hand through Dean’s sweaty hair. “Still think I want you to leave?”, he asks and Dean laughs too.

“If you do, that’s the best leaving present ever.”, he says and Cas pokes his bare chest.

“Don’t be cheeky.”, he tells Dean, who just drags him in for another kiss.

 

* * *

 

 

_**England, 1911** _

 

Dean waits in the boathouse on the evening of Cas’ 20thbirthday. There’s a party going on in the big house and Cas did invite Dean, but he would have felt out of place on a normal day let alone at a cocktail party – he may have moved up in the world, but he’s still just a chauffeur. Instead, Cas agreed to meet him here when everyone else leaves. Dean has to wait a long time. It’s past midnight, when Cas finally appears, looking devastatingly handsome in his tux, hair dishevelled and his cheeks flushed from alcohol.

“Hello darling.”, he says, his body a little looser than usual as he makes his way towards where Dean is sitting on the window seat.

“Hello yourself. And happy birthday.”, Dean says as Cas flops down in his lap. Dean plants a kiss on Cas’ cheek.

Cas wraps his arms around Dean’s neck and gives him a proper kiss. “Let’s go swimming.”, he says, hopping off Dean and dragging him to his feet. They walk through the boathouse to where the lake meets the dock.

Dean laughs. “Cas, I know it’s July but it’s also England in the middle of the night. The lake is far too cold.”

“Chicken.”, Cas says, taking off his jacket and jumping headfirst into the lake.

Dean laughs at him, but then stops when Cas doesn’t resurface. “Fuck.”, he swears, stripping off his jumper and kicking off his shoes. He jumps in around where Cas disappeared and struggles to see anything in the moonlit water. Eventually he sees something glinting, which turns out to be Cas’ cufflink. He grabs Cas’ arm and pulls at it until the top half of his body is out of the water. He hauls him out of the lake and up onto the wooden dock. The impact of being thrown onto the ground seems to do something to Cas because he suddenly rolls over and vomits up water.

He blinks at Dean who punches the ground next to him. “Hey.”, Cas rasps and Dean glares.

“You bloody idiot! What did you do that for?”, he yells and Cas offers him a weak smile. Dean doesn’t reciprocate it, still scowling at Cas. “It’s not funny! I swear to God, you’ll be the death of me Castiel Novak!”

Cas sits up shakily and wraps his arms around Dean’s midriff. “I’m sorry, love.”, he says into Dean’s chest.

Dean sighs and returns the embrace. “It’s okay, I'm just glad you're safe.”, he says. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

Dean drags Cas to his feet and pulls him back inside the relative warmth of the boathouse and to the padded window seat he’d prepared with blankets earlier.

“C’mon clothes off.”, he says to Cas, shedding his own shirt and trousers, making sure Cas does the same until they’re both naked. “Off you go, under the blanket.” Dean chivvies Cas onto the window seat, following close behind and covering them both with a couple of wool blankets. Cas snuffles and rolls towards Dean, burying his face in his chest.

“So apart from your brush with death, did you have a good birthday?”, he asks and Cas nods against his skin.

“It was fun, I wish you had been there though.”, Cas says sincerely.

Dean noses against Cas’ wet hair. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I just… I don’t fit in with your hoity-toity friends, they hate me, you know that.”

“I wish it didn’t matter. And I wish we could just be together, in public, like everyone else is with their partners.”, Cas whispers and Dean tightens his grip on him. There’s nothing he wishes for more either, but that’s not the world they live in.

 

* * *

 

 

_**England, 1914** _

 

Dean’s dad has been dead for two years, but Cas’ dad isn’t and he is less than pleased to find out that his son has been screwing the chauffeur.

“I couldn’t care less where you go, but you cannot stay here.”, he says, his voice cold with fury as he hurls Dean’s shirt at him and orders Cas to get dressed and come down to the library.

The war has just broken out, people are scrambling to get to America and there’s no way Dean can afford to go. All around him, young men are volunteering to go and die for their country and Dean doesn’t have much to live for anymore, anyway.

America is doing its best to stay out of the situation, but the British Army isn’t picky. They take Dean even though he isn’t a British citizen. The day before he’s to ship out he returns to his parents’ cottage one last time. No matter Mr. Novak’s quarrel with Dean, he had greatly respected John Winchester and allowed Mary and Sam to stay on in the cottage, in exchange for Mary helping out in the kitchen.

He’s just finished packing his bag when he hears someone come into his room. “Sam I told you, I’ll be fine. Go help mom with lunch.”

“Not Sam.”, a gravelly voice says and Dean spins to see Cas stepping into his room.

“Cas.”, he gasps and before he knows it, he’s throwing himself into the other man’s arms. He’s not seen him in months, not since Cas’ dad kicked him out and all through basic training he tried to tell himself that he didn’t really love Cas, that it was just a silly infatuation and that either way, Cas would be better off without him. But now, seeing him – _feeling_ him again, Dean knows he’s still as head over heels as he ever was.

“I missed you!”, Cas says into his neck and Dean can’t bring himself to speak, because he thinks if he does he might cry. “When are you leaving?”, Cas asks as Dean discreetly wipes his face on Cas’ shoulder.

“Um, my train's in a couple of hours. Mom’s taking me to the station soon.”, Dean says.

Cas’ breath hitches in a way that sounds suspiciously like a sob and he leans in to kiss Dean soundly, instead of speaking.

They kiss for what seems like an eternity, but eventually they have to stop to catch their breath. “I could go with you.”, Cas says, his eyes shiny with tears. “I could enlist right now.”

Dean shakes his head and cups Cas’ face with both hands. “You can’t Cas. You need to go back to university, make something of yourself. You always were better than me.”

“That’s not true.”, Cas whimpers. “You’re more amazing than I could ever dream to be.”

There’s no sense in arguing so Dean launches himself at Cas again, kissing him as if it’ll turn back time and stop any of this from ever happening.

“Promise me you won’t enlist.”, Dean says, his face inches from Cas’.

Cas shakes his head. “I won’t. I need to come with you.”

“No. I need you to stay here, to stay safe. Please Cas, promise me.”, Dean asks desperately, searching Cas’ eyes for assurance. Eventually Cas nods and Dean breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you. The only way I can be okay over there, is if I know that you’ll be okay here.”

“Promise you’ll come back to me?”, Cas says, just as Dean’s mom calls up the stairs that they’ll have to leave in a minute.

Dean kisses Cas one last time. “I love you Cas, and that’s not going to change. But when I’m gone you need to try and forget about me.”

“What? No!”, Cas says and he looks angry. Good, Dean thinks, that’ll make it easier to say goodbye.

Dean tries to blink away his own tears, but he isn’t sure it’s working. “Please Cas. This is a chance for you to do better, to be normal. You can finally be the man your father wants you to be.”

Cas glares at him. “I don’t want to be normal! I want you!”

“I’m begging you Cas, don’t make this harder that it is. Promise you’ll try to move on.”, Dean pleads.

Cas pushes him up against the wall and kisses him hard, biting his bottom lip dragging a whimper out of Dean. “I won’t promise anything of the sort, but I know why you’re doing this. So I forgive you.”

He drags Dean in for another kiss, as Mary yells up the stairs again. Dean’s still panting when Cas lets go of him and he crosses the room to grab his jacket.

“Goodbye Cas.”, Dean says, shouldering his bag and heading for the door.

Cas calls after him. “Dean? Don’t die.”

Dean turns to look at him one last time. His eyes are red, but Cas looks as beautiful as ever. “Always said you’d be the death of me Cas, don’t expect that to change.”, he says, before walking out of the door.

 

* * *

 

_**France, 1918** _

 

The last year and a half have been the worst of Dean’s life. Being at the front with Cas is almost worse than being there without him. Because now he was worried not only about himself and the men in his battalion, but about Cas. If Cas died, Dean knows he wouldn’t survive. But somehow, they do survive.

When the word comes through that it’s over, that they’ll all get to go home, it takes everything Dean has not to kiss Cas there in the trenches, right in front of everyone.

He makes up for it later though, alone in Cas’ quarters – the perks of being an officer. He pushes Cas back onto his cot, doing his best to kiss him senseless.

“We survived it.”, Cas breathes as Dean kisses his way down Cas’ body.

“I know darling, never thought I’d make it this long.”, Dean says in between planting kisses to Cas’ unfairly sharp hipbones.

Cas curls a hand in Dean’s hair as his mouth moves lower and they don’t talk for a while after that.

 

Later, when they’re lying there, talking softly and keeping an ear out for anyone approaching, Cas presses a kiss to Dean’s jaw. “What are we going to do now?”, he asks.

Dean shrugs. “Well, I figure I’ll have to start looking for a job, find a way to forget all of this shit.”

“All of it?”, Cas questions warily.

Dean plants a couple of kisses on his chest. “Not this silly. Just… it was rough the last few years, even rougher before you got here. There’s a lot that’ll forever be burned into my brain.”

Cas rubs a hand up and down Dean’s back. “Will you come and stay with me though?”

Dean snorts bitterly. “You know, I don’t think your dad will have forgiven me for sticking my dick up your ass yet.”

Cas laughs too, but he sounds genuine. “Yeah I don’t think so either. But I have my inheritance and it should be enough to set us up in London, you could get a job and I could finish studying.”

“Yeah? You know that sounds an awful lot like a proposal, sweetheart.”, Dean says with a laugh.

Cas looks at him seriously. “Dean, if it were legal, we’d have been married a long time ago.”

“You just keep surprising me, you know that?”, Dean says, kissing him soundly.

“So are you saying yes to my faux proposal?”, Cas asks a little breathlessly.

Dean beams at him. “Of course you idiot.”, he says, rolling his full weight onto Cas.

Cas wheezes a little. “You’ll be the death of me, if you don’t get off.”

Dean pokes his side. “Shut up, you love it. And also, I thought that was my line.”

Cas sniggers lovingly and holds him tight.

 

* * *

 

_**London, 1935** _

 

Cas drops the pans with a clatter and Dean dives under the kitchen table, scaring both the cat and Cas.

“Dean?”, Cas asks carefully.

Dean sticks his head out long enough to grab Cas’ arm and drag him under the table with him. “Cas you need to get under here, they’re bombing us. Please, you need to get to safety.”

Knowing it’s best to just go with it, Cas lets Dean manhandle him, lets Dean cover Cas’ body with his own to protect him from the bombs in his mind.

Cas wraps his arms around Dean. “Shh, sweetheart.”, Cas tells him. “I’m here, you’re safe. The war is over, it’s 1935 and we’re in London, not France.”

“What are you talking about?”, Dean asks, propping himself up on his elbows, on either side of Cas’ body.

Cas reaches up to stroke Dean’s face. “We’re in our home love, we’re safe. You don’t need to worry about bombers anymore.”

Dean gets that slow look of realisation on his face, the one that breaks Cas’ heart. “Are you sure?”, he asks quietly and Cas nods.

“Absolutely.”

Dean’s face crumples. “I’m sorry.”, he says, his eyes sparkling with tears.

Cas pulls him in for a soft kiss. “It’s okay Dean, you don’t ever have to be sorry. It’s the shellshock, not you.”

Dean gives him a watery smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”, Cas tells him. “Now can we please get out from under the kitchen table?”

Dean laughs and they crawl out into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. “I never thought, we’d make it this far, did you?”, Cas asks, picking up their cat Gabriel and stroking his tawny fur. Dean reaches out and covers Cas’ hand with his own.

“Nah, always figured you’d have ended up getting me killed by now.”, Dean says and Cas laughs.

“I promise, I’ll still be the death of you one day.”, he says and Dean kisses him, inadvertently trapping Gabriel between them.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”, Dean murmurs against his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked this, I've been watching a lot of Blackadder and Downton Abbey and this fic just came to me. xxx


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